Odyssey Into Oblivion: The Funniest TS Fic Ever
by Joe Cloudheart
Summary: On a dare, I wrote this. It is the funniest TS fic you will ever read. Karnage is gay, Mardi Gras invades the Cape, and cameos from Invader Zim and Goliath are random. The dare was to write a comedy where I picked a character to kill off, but make it a


Fic idea. Oscar dies. You voted on it. Now, see it live! Liiiiiive!  
  
Part I: The Beginning of the End  
  
Once upon a time, Oscar Vandersnoot was an odd little boy that annoyed everyone. On a sunny day in Cape Suzette, humming happily, he came across a very angry gang of thugs. Having nothing to do, they watched him walking down a dismal, garbage strewn alleyway with stares like "uh, what the..." popping up on their faces. Unfortunately, Oscar tripped, because, let's face it, he's not the sharpest tack in the store, and a bucket of oil that had just been lying around tipped over and spilled over a large thug's feet.  
  
"Aaaah! I've got oil on me feet!" he exclaimed.  
  
"I...I'm sowwy." said Oscar.  
  
"You bettah be sorry!" said one. (they were all British by the way. For some reason.) "And you bettah wipe it off!"  
  
So, just as Oscar was going to, apprehensively wipe off the sludge, the large thug snarled and Oscar backed into a nearby board lying against a wall. This sent a chain reaction up the board and eventually it fell, knocking over a large brick situated precariously on the ledge of an iron bar (this was near a construction site) and fell upon another ledge which knocked over a pail full of paint, which went soaring through the air and landed on the large, large thug's head.  
  
"Oh! I dun believe this! You better run, you little-!" he continued, and Oscar ran for his meager little life. He was hearing many expletives, some of them wholly unbeknownst to him.  
  
Running across the breadth of the city, with the angry thugs behind him, Oscar ran through a street, sending a bus of sour faced schoolchildren crashing into a flower shop. The thugs ran through the intersection and one of them got hit by a truck. Getting splattered wasn't really a problem, but the other three were sort of bummed out, and one of them pulled out a flame torch. The largest, red paint-covered thug pulled out a large cannon-gun.  
  
"Hey, whered you get that thing?" asked the torch-wielding communist.  
  
"I borrowed it from Trigun! Just shut up and start killing stuff! We're angry and we're thugs!"  
  
"Yeah, what else are we gonna do?"  
  
"Hey, Rock, does this mean you're a redneck? Haw Haw!"  
  
"Shut up, Ben! Just shoot the bugger!"  
  
"Righty-o!"  
  
Bullets and large explosions followed Oscar up the street. Like the 4th of July! Only death-inducing.  
  
SO Oscar ran for his life and at that moment crossed the paths of several pirates that were in the vicinity ripping off jewelers. Karnage spotted the kid and ordered his troops to go after him. After all, the kid's parent's were loaded and was that a bunch of British leather-clad thugs running this way? Not caring, his men ran throughout the crowd as well.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the flower shop, several useless anime characters from Weiss Kreuz died because I wanted them to. Their souls became angry ghouls that started devouring innocent puppies in the streets.  
  
Oscar ran and ran. He found his way to a fair full of drunken people parading around in giant, colorful costumes. It was Mardi Gras! Girls flashed him their jiggly bits and Oscar sullenly looked at the ground because his mother was totally a wanker bitch and told him if he ever looked at them he'd go straight to hell. But wait, was that his mother's voice?! Why yes, she was protesting it! And there was Rebecca Cunningham! What was SHE doing here??  
  
"I cannot believe you're allowing yourself to be a part of this...this...celebration!" said Mrs. Vandersnoot, holding a protest sign. Several other women were angrily shaking their hands at the young people having fun on floats. Kit was sitting on one of the floats. It had a "Higher for Hire" sign on it.  
  
"I didn't know that THIS was Baloo's promotion idea! But it's too late to stop it now! There's an entire parade behind us and no one can let us through because the crowd is too large!" Rebecca shouted over the din.  
  
"If you aren't a part of the solution, that means you're alright with it!"  
  
"Well, it is promoting our business! I would have said no before...well, maybe, but now I actually think he's come up with an idea that isn't half bad! Baloo, come up with a good idea?" She stopped and blinked for a few seconds.  
  
"C'mon, Beckers!" shouted Baloo from the float. "Yer missin' all the fun!"  
  
"Hey, Miz Cunningham, look how many beads I have!" said Kit.  
  
"Hey, kid!" shouted a voice from the crowd.  
  
"Wow! Baloo, this is the best idea of yours EVER!"  
  
Baloo smiled embarrassed and blushed as Rebecca frowned at him. A slightly drunken, incredibly handsome, buff young bear climbed up on the float and flashed a smile at Rebecca.  
  
"I just had to tell you...YOU are the most beautiful woman I have EVER seen. And I MEAN that."  
  
"Well, I uh...thank you."  
  
The young man took off his shirt. "It's kinda hot up here...or is it just me. Hey, whattya you say to a little---?" he said, whispering something in her ear.  
  
"Ew! That's not even possible! Is it?"  
  
Baloo growled and shoved the young man off the float. He fell into the crowd.  
  
"BaLOO," Rebecca griped.  
  
"What?! You didn't want that creep up here!"  
  
"Oh...yeah. Uh...good job!"  
  
"Hey guys, some crazy girl just gave me five bucks!" said Kit.  
  
"Kit!" they both admonished.  
  
"What? It's not like you two pay me."  
  
"It's going into a college fund," Rebecca replied, slightly annoyed.  
  
"Who needs college? I want to do this for a living!" He ran to the other side of the float. Girls threw flowers up towards him.  
  
"Just remember, it only comes once a year, mister!"  
  
"Aw, let him have fun, Becky. It IS Mardi Gras. And it's the first time Cape Suzette has celebrated it!"  
  
"I just think that all this is a little too much for him. Or it's getting to his head." Several shouts came from behind her. "I am not taking off my shirt, young man! You should be ashamed of yourselves!" A chorus of "ooooooohs" came in reply. "Baloo, if this wasn't promoting our business so much I'd be throwing something at YOU, and it wouldn't be beads!" she snapped. With that, she took several flyers and started throwing them into the crowds. "Free discount on muffins next week! Free discounts! Higher for Hire, best cargo service in the city! We're a family business!"  
  
"No we're not!" laughed Baloo.  
  
"We are today. Now make with the promotion!" she said, pointing angrily.  
  
Baloo turned and smiled to several girls in the crowd. He blushed. "Oh, uh, hi there..." he said, smiling nervously.  
  
Becky angrily hit him in the stomach with a box of wrapped up muffin samples.  
  
Meanwhile, Oscar was still making his way through the crowd. Suddenly, he looked up and saw the smiling face of Don Karnage and his cronies! He looked in the other direction and saw Ben and several other thugs. The largest thug smiled. "Karnage? Is tha' you?"  
  
"I am not believing this! Howlett!"  
  
"You know him, captain?" asked Maddog, curiously.  
  
"Well, jes, sort of..."  
  
"Are you kidding? We go aways back, don' we old chap? Remembah when you would come around to the Blue Oyster and we would –"  
  
"Yes, yes, aheh he heh" Karnage said nervously laughing. "I remember, jes jes, but we have other matters to attend to. The boy!"  
  
"He's gone! Blast!"  
  
"You are being chasing him?"  
  
"You are? Why?"  
  
"Because he is fabulously wealthy and we can hold him for a ransom. That is why!" Karnage said, smiling deviously. "Help us find him in this crowd and we can all be the wealthy ones, jes?"  
  
"It's a deal, mate! And uh...be sure to stop by the Oyster and...see me later. If you know what I mean," said Howlett departing.  
  
"Captain, what did he mean by—"  
  
"Shut up, you fool!" Karnage said, snapping at Maddog. "Go and find the boy! Profit awaits us, my men!"  
  
"That's not all that awaits him," said Howlett to Ben.  
  
"Look, can we just not talk about this now..."  
  
"Oh, fine, then let's talk about the things we'll do with that loot!"  
  
"Go to bars and get plastered?"  
  
"Well, yeah, that's pretty much wha' I had in mind..."  
  
Oscar was having a bad day. His mother spotted him just as he was walking across the middle of the parade. But unbeknownst to both of them, another cargo service was preparing one of their morning deliveries. A piano held by ropes swayed over the house and hillside. One of the ropes suddenly snapped, causing the piano to buckle and fall right down onto the hill, sliding and gaining more and more speed as it went down.  
  
"Oscar! What are you doing here?" she said. "And how dare you look at that young woman's legs! And what are you doing outside of the apartment? You know you're strictly to go to school only. When your father hears about this the only thing you'll be seeing is---"but just at that instant someone shouted "make way, there's a piano coming right down here!" and the crowd directly in the path of the piano quickly interspersed. Mrs. Vandersnoot continued on and on in her shrewish manner: "And when he hears of you being outside in the blazing heat without any of your protective life preservers..." but she was cut off, on account of the piano slammed into her. Her body sailed through the air and landed in a fruit stand, where several hundred cantaloupes fell on top of her.  
  
"Oh no!" said Oscar. The British thugs spotted him.  
  
"There he goes. Karny, ovah here!" shouted Howlett.  
  
Oscar ran for a nearby sidestreet. Down the filthy, dark alleyway, insects buzzed and horrible sounds eminated from a nearby sewer grate. Trying desperately to slide inside, Oscar found himself in a dark tunnelway. He walked along for several minutes, trying to determine another exit. Then he heard horrible, HORRIBLE sounds of munching and tearing and biting and more eating and slurping and gargling....all coming from one room in the bricked, slimy maze of despair.  
  
"I'm tired of only eating cats," said the older one. "Next time, how bout we go out to eat?"  
  
"Ith's the daylight, stupid. We can't. I hate being a vampire! Hey, do you smell something?! It's fresh meat! Look, and he's getting away!"  
  
"Just in time for the celebration. Let's go!"  
  
Oscar ran and ran, for what he saw was basically a group of more thugs eating the carcass of a cat...in a business suit. What a bummer! This day sucked ass.  
  
So now he was being chased by vampires. It was certainly different. And they looked vaguely familiar...suddenly he remembered where he'd seen them. One of them was Whistlestop Jackson, who was really boring and an old pilot that had faded out of memory, and the other was Colonel Spigot, a Thembrian blue warthog. They were both seen in newspapers, or something. Anyway, they were vampires and he was getting tired from all this running. Finally he came across a really dank torch-lit chamber. Sitting in the middle of the archway was something indistinct.  
  
"We've got you now, squirt! You'll never get away!"  
  
"Face it kid, you're lunchmeat. Literally!"said Spigot. The two looked hungry and saliva dripped into the sewer water. Then, a giant spider the size of a pickup truck stepped out from the archway and hissed. It was really ugly and hellapissed.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! GIANT SPIDER!" they both screamed. The spider clacked it's jaws and sunk them straight into Whistlestop Jackson's head. Then it spit him out and bit into Spigot and made really noisy crunching sounds. Spigot's internal organs fell into the water and made it kinda bloody. Oscar watched in horror and then, something forced him to turn around and tiptoe slooooooowly out of the room. He heard Spigot scream before he left:  
  
"Ow! Oh, the pain! Oh, that really hurts! Why was I ever made a vampire by this horribly fic writ---CHOMP-GULP!" And that was the end to that.  
  
So onwards he went, cold and shivering. He saw the Phantom of the Opera and didn't bother to ask what his problem was, because he didn't even want to know. Actually, it was just Shere Khan's secret hideaway. He liked to do the whole Phantom thing to freak people out. For kicks. Hey, he's rich, he can do what he wants. The spider was his guard spider. Named Fluffy.  
  
"Oh, Fluffy, you do give me so many wonderful surprises, he said, after Oscar had left. The spider wagged it's legs happily and dropped down the severed head of Whistlestop Jackson. "Ah, my old nemesis. I don't suppose you ever thought you would be spider chow, did you? Hmm...this will make an amusing decoration for my wall..." And then because this scene is really disturbing, we'll just go on ahead and cut to something else.  
  
So...Oscar found a grate and was back on the surface again. But suddenly, a vicious man-eating Beast (did you see Brotherhood of the Wolf? The demon beast from that movie) which had spikes all over it's back and face and was REALLY pissed and hungry, also found Oscar, as he huddled in an alleyway.  
  
"BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!" it went, making Oscar add to the previously existing puddles in the gutters.  
  
So, yeah, Oscar was running again, and another piano slid by and crashed into the monster. Unfortunately, the monster was bashed into a tree containing a hive of bees that fell right next to Oscar. Several bees stung him and the entire swarm buzzed around him horribly.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Oscar as he ran around looking for help. The monster decided to take five and take a nap. Oscar screamed. An unfamiliar voice screamed as well: "The bees! Oh, the bees! AaAAAAH! AAH!" Oscar looked in shock as a green skinned alien with red eyes noticed him.  
  
"Do not FEAR, human," said the alien. "I am not a figment of your imagination. I am simply CONQUERER of all! Well okay, I guess you can fear me. I should destroy you for setting those bees loose."  
  
"What...what awe you?"  
  
"I am the most powerful being you will ever encounter and...things. I have stuff. It's...just really scary.. GIR!" he shouted and the friendly little dog robot jumped up from a nearby bush. "We've got the wrong dimension again! We've gone through waaaaay too many. Now get the co-ordinates right. Set them for EARTH!"  
  
"Oh, Eaaaaaarth," said the robot. "Okeedokee!"  
  
"That stupid Dib and his stupid dimensional transponder. When we get back, I'm sending him to the Universe of the Scary Beaver People!" The little dog robot pressed a button on his remote control and the two being vanished before Oscar's eyes. What was a human, anyway?  
  
Oscar ran across the park. Screaming for help, but no one was in sight. By this time, word had gotten out that Oscar had a bounty on his head. Someone at the police station screwed up, and instead of reported him missing, he'd been switched with a profile for a homicidal maniac. Several cop cars swarmed around the vicinity of the park. "Come out quietly and we won't shoot you that much!" shouted an officer.  
  
What was Oscar to do?! Oscar backed into a gargoyle statue and knocked it over. Part of it had just been standing there, and was on the same steps. Just then the sun went down and the other statues started cracking apart all by themselves. Their cement skins shed instantly and shards spilled over the pavement. Goliath and his other kin looked in horror as the eldest of their clan lay there broken, and completely dead.  
  
"Hudson!"  
  
"I'm sowwy!" said Oscar.  
  
"He's killed Hudson!" cried Lexington.  
  
"KILL him! Kill the intruder!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Oscar as he fled from the really angry gargoyles. Oscar ran out towards the sidewalk. Bullets shot at him from everywhere. Another piano slid down the street and smashed into a building. Was someone being really careless with pianos lately? The gargoyles were close behind them. What now? There was a flash of light and a spaceship landed on all the gargoyles at once.  
  
"Oops," said Zim. "Sorry bout that, gotta go, see ya around," he said dismissively, pressed another button and vanished. The gargoyles were totally taken with him as he went, so there was that problem solved.  
  
Running in a direction he hadn't yet gone, Oscar fled the cops, and continued his quest for...where was he going, anyway? He'd been just trying to escape, but he hadn't thought of a place that seemed safe. Back home he'd be grounded. Anywhere else there were horrible monsters and pirates and bad...things...happening.  
  
So, he made his way to the waterfront where Higher for Hire was. Kit was on his way home, whistling happily. A bee stung Oscar crept out from behind a tree right in front of Kit. Instinctively, Kit punched him in the face.  
  
"Oscar! Sorry about that! You okay? I've been training to be on my guard. You know, giving bad guys the ol' one-two," he said making punch gestures. "Hey, what are you doing here anyway?" he said, helping the useless boy up.  
  
Oscar told him his whole, sad, unbelievable tale.  
  
"Oh man...it looks like you've finally gone crazy," said Kit. "You need a psychiatrist. Fast."  
  
"No! You've got to believe me!" Oscar cried.  
  
"Oh...uh...yeah. I...I do. Just...let me go inside and make a phone call really quick." Kit rushed in to Higher for Hire. "Hey Baloo, you're never gonna believe this, but..."  
  
Oscar started trembling. This was just not going right. Not at all!  
  
To be continued.  
  
Part II Monsters, Thugs, and Pirates, Oh My!  
  
Meanwhile, in another part of Cape Suzette...  
  
Karnage and his men, and Howlett and his men convened in a candlelit shack in the middle of a bad neighborhood. The large, short haired blonde Howlett began the meeting.  
  
"All right, then. Now how are we gonna find the little scab now, eh?"  
  
"My men picked up police signals with their electronic doodads," said Karnage. "And we know the boy is missing. He will probably go where he thinks he is safe. Hmmmm."  
  
"Wha' is it, mate?" asked Howlett.  
  
"I am thinking I know where our little disaster area of a boy is headed!" and with that, he shared his plan.  
  
Back at Higher For Hire...  
  
"Oscar!" called Kit. "You should come inside! Hey, Oscar? Oh, no...Baloo!"  
  
Baloo and Rebecca rushed outside. Kit told them of Oscar's new disappearance and his harrowing tale of madness.  
  
"Oh, Baloo, I can't believe this," said a panicked Rebecca.  
  
"Yeah, that poor kid."  
  
"Poor kid, nothing! Poor us! If we don't find Oscar, we could somehow be blamed for all this!"  
  
"Oh c'mon, Miz Cunningham," reasoned Kit. "Why would anyone blame you? It's not your fault."  
  
"Yeah, but the Vandersnoots are wealthy, and wealthy means big lawyers and liability lawsuits. But if we find him on the other hand, the Vandersnoots could be incredibly grateful." She fluttered her eyelids and a sweet smile crept over her face.  
  
"But...what about the fact that Oscar's gone nuts?"  
  
"You're right, Kit. Baloo, tell Wildcat to get his butterfly net. We're gonna need it."  
  
"Alright, Beckers, but I better be getting paid overtime for this," said Baloo adjusting his hat and walking off.  
  
"I just hope it doesn't get any worse than this," said Kit.  
  
Meanwhile, in another part of town, things were getting worse.  
  
Oscar sullenly and quiveringly looked up at his surroundings. He was in a part of town that he just didn't recognize.  
  
"Ch ch ch ch....ha ha ha ha..." whispered something in the dark.  
  
"Wh-wh-wh-what's that? Who's thew?" asked the annoying little youth.  
  
"Ch ch ch ch....ha ha ha ha..." came his reply. The sound was getting nearer. Oscar began to run, at a very brisk pace. The alleyway suddenly started to get much longer...like some sort of horrible nightmare. The trash cans came alive and started floating across and bashing into walls. Oscar ran and ran, but didn't seem to get anywhere.  
  
"Silly little BOY...running in the NIGHT....what SHALL we do with him...?"  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Quiet you insolent little NO ONE! The sands of time....they turn, they turn....and everyone passes me by...in the dark, there is no one...no one to hear me RHYME..."  
  
"Pwease, don't hurt me..."  
  
"Oh, I am not going to hurt you...I am simply going to keep you in my WORLD OF NIGHTMARES...forever!" The voice went between agonizingly cruel whispers and quiet reflection. Oscar was getting way crept out.  
  
"Stop right there, you superfluous supernatural entity!" a voice cried out.  
  
"Nooooo! Not YOU again!"  
  
"That's right, Paddywhack! You can't stop me, no matter what dimension you enter!"  
  
"But what about MY FEEDING!"  
  
Oscar suddenly realized that there were two figures that he stood in between. One was a duck in outrageous purple costumery. Another was a long legged demon-duck freak with burning red eyes.  
  
"You want something to feed on?" asked Darkwing. "Fine. Feed on THIS!" and the duck shot something towards Oscar's direction. The smoke burned his lungs, and he coughed. "And don't forget some of this!" said the duck, shooting a number of pep pills, the kind that college students use before finals. They entered straight into Paddywhack's mouth and he swallowed, uneasily.  
  
"No! Noooooooo!" said Paddywhack, glowing bright burning blue-white, and exploded with a large noise. The effect shattered the air around him and a giant Nexus-like energy wave that spread out over the city.  
  
"Yep, yep yep..." said Darkwing proudly. "That should be it for now. Hey, kid," he said to Oscar, who was upside down, flattened into a wall nearby. "Do me a favor and call me if any weeeeeeeird monsters should pop up unexpectedly, okay? Paddywhack was probably dreaming up several bad things, and I can't really deal with them tonight because I have, well, plans, and I have to take care of him back in my world. Good thing the people at SHUSH had an interdimensional doohicky gizmo handy, huh? Uh, kid?"  
  
Oscar was stumbling around, kind of dizzy. "Help me, mistew! Pirates are chasing me!"  
  
"Oh...heh heh heh. That...that's cute, kid...could you...just let...go of my cape!?" Darkwing pried Oscar off. "Don't worry about a thing, you just go home now...shoo. Man, you remind me of Honker. Only, in a way more clingy way," he said, the last part under his breath. He pushed some buttons on his remote control and with a blast of wind that knocked Oscar off his feet, he was gone in a flash.  
  
Oscar got off and wandered further into the dark recesses of the night. Spotting a local museum, he thought it would make a perfect hideout. Making his way through the back, he noticed one of the windows up high was open. There was a tree that opened up near the window. If he could just make his way up there...  
  
Meanwhile, with the pirates and thugs...  
  
Thugs and pirates marched side by side down the street. Ben and Maddog and Dumptruck and a third British guy who simply called himself "The Ripper" talked up a storm.  
  
"So the kid is probably with Cloudkicker...oh, that's just great," moaned Maddog. "I hate that kid."  
  
"Der...stop whining," said Dumptruck.  
  
"So why are you two so upset? It's not like a fat pilot and a kid can tackle you, am I right?" asked Ben.  
  
"Der..." said Dumptruck. "They always get in our way. They always make the Cap'n mad and when the Cap'n gets mad, he throws things."  
  
"At US," intoned a desperate Maddog. "We have to find that kid."  
  
"Which one?" asked Ben. "I say we just take them both out with blow darts. I have some handy here somewhere..."  
  
"Der...why didn't we ever think of that?" asked Dumptruck. The angry brown haired one named "Ripper" spoke up.  
  
"Because you two are imbeciles! You couldn't beat up an old woman on Easter Sunday! Now Ben and me...we take a special pleasure to missions of this sort, eh Psycho Ben? Ben?"  
  
Ben's attention had taken a silent, awe stricken turn. There ahead of him was a center for animal research. "No, not bunnies! Poor little things, Ben is comin'!" Running up to the windows, he smashed one in with his flame thrower and dove inside. Bursting open the door moments later, hundreds of small animals stampeded around his legs. "Yes, my brothers! Freedom! Go forth and be free! FREE! FREE AH HA HA HA HA HA!"  
  
"Man, I 'ate it when he does this," said Ripper. "All we need now is some big pyro display and every cop in the city will be here."  
  
A psychotic Ben started itching to use his flame thrower, pulling the trigger here and there when Ripper grabbed him and pulled him aside.  
  
"The little kid. Remember? Lots of moolah. We go now and find."  
  
"Do I get to use my flame thrower?"  
  
"Oh, I suppose..."  
  
"Could one of you just tell me WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT?!" shouted an exasperated Maddog.  
  
"I have a thing for social conscience," replied Ben.  
  
"But...you're a robber," said Maddog.  
  
"Oh, well, if you're going to get all high and mighty and technical on us!" said Ripper.  
  
"Oh, what else can go wrong?" said Maddog.  
  
"Duh, hey, where'd the captain go?" asked Dumptruck.  
  
"You *never* pay attention," said Maddog. "The captain and that Howlett guy had to take care of important strategy matters. I think they're gonna try that kid's clubhouse, or something."  
  
"Right then," said Ben. "Now...does anyone happen to be thirsty? I know an all night pub and—hey, where are you goin'? Wait up!"  
  
MEANwhile....  
  
Two shadows met in one phone booth.  
  
"Oh, jes. That is nice."  
  
"I'nt it? I got it in Milan."  
  
"I like the way you hold it."  
  
"Thanks, mate. I like the way you hold it, too."  
  
"Well it is a nice jacket. But let us be getting back to the business at hand..."  
  
Karnage and Howlett made several grunts and kissed passionately behind a veiled booth, they're bodies pressed together. The phone beeped as it was knocked off the hook and asked them to make a deposit.  
  
"You know, mate, this is how Superman takes care of business."  
  
"I know. But enough about me...a heh heh heh!"  
  
"I love holding you up, if you get my drift."  
  
"Ah, come here, my little British invasion!" Don Karnage said enthusiastically. "Ah..ooh, yes...ah heh heh...ooh, not there, I am being ticklish..."  
  
You get the drift as to what this scene is about, so let's just skip ahead...  
  
Oscar was perched precariously on the tree branch when suddenly fire ants crawled over his hands and bit them.  
  
"Ow! Oww! Ow!" went Oscar. Oscar slid off the branch and made a leap for the window. He didn't make it, and instead wound up just barely holding onto the ledge.  
  
Suddenly, Oscar heard someone nearby. As Oscar tried to crawl up to get into the window, the voices he found, were definitely coming from inside the building.  
  
"You goons...are so stupid. I can't believe I still hiah youze guys! Goons is a dime a dozen! So listen up good and BE QUIET!"  
  
Oscar poked his head around the corner of the office he'd found himself in. In the corridor were Trader Moe, (a pint sized alligator crook) and his two stupid goons, the gorilla one and the rhino one. Who knows what they're names were...they were never really given names. By anyone. Kind of odd, but oh well.  
  
Oscar also noted something odd going on across from the goons. Shadowed figures cloaked in black made their way silently across the museum. Oscar couldn't believe he was seeing them, but ninjas were crawling all along the walls! Suddenly the goons spotted the ninjas.  
  
"They're after the sword, too! Get em!"  
  
The goons pulled out their tommy guns and inadvertently shot up several priceless works of art. Trader Moe slapped his face. Then the ninjas jumped down and began to engage the goons in combat. The gorilla goon pounded his fist into his hand, and said "Oh, boy! I'm gonna pound you!" But before he could really do anything the ninja leapt forward and shoved his samurai sword right through the goon's body quickly and neatly. "Der, I didn't expect that! Eeeeuh!" said the goon, who then made a squeamish face, fell forward, and died. The other goon smiled and then ran away, but tripped on the carpet and fell.  
  
"Get up, you idiot!" said Trader Moe. Ninjas threw flying stars at him, which he shot away with his gun. A flying star made it's way into the room and barely missed Oscar. Oscar, thinking he had to find a phone to call his parents or someone else who could help, ventured out into the hallway.  
  
"IIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed a ninja, who leapt past Oscar and swiped a sword at the goon was not dead. The rhino goon was using a battleax from a local display to defend himself. Trader Moe jumped from the second floor to the first (there was a walkway along the sides of the second so you could look down on the entire first floor.) and landed on a dinosaur skeleton which swayed back and forth as he tried to get down. "Jeez, all I tried to do was steal a magic sword and THESE guys get all bent out of shape about it!"  
  
The crouching alligator was no match for the crouching tiger. Oscar, running down the hallway, looked behind him to notice the carnage for a few seconds. Trader Moe took out dinosaur bones and threw them at a nearby ninja. Oscar finally found a pay phone. Dialing his parents, his mother picked up the phone. But she was really strung out on pain killers and so could only say "Ennnheeeehhannnnaeeeehnnnnnnhhh??"  
  
"Mom! It's me! Mom??"  
  
Someone else picked up the phone. It was the housekeeper.  
  
"No calls after 9!" and then hung up on him. There was only one other person he could call...  
  
Ernie picked up the phone groggily and heavy lidded and smacked his lips. Dressed in a nightshirt and sleeping cap, he could barely give a rat's ass who was calling this late at night. Less so in this instance.  
  
"Hello? Oh, hi Oscar...uh huh...ninjas...uh huh...pirates, you say? Uh huh...uh huh...uh huh...yeah, demons are scary. Look, just quit being a whiny baby, okay? We ALL have bad days. Now go to bed and lemme get some sleep. Oh, and bring me your lunch money tomorrow!" Ernie hung up.  
  
Oscar hung up the phone with his lips quivering. His father was kayaking with his "friend" Gary up near San Flamingo, so calling him was out of the question. What to do, what to do...  
  
Ninjas hurtled the rhino goon out the window. He flew threw the air in a graceful arc and for some reason, he exploded. In a biiiig fiery cloud. Apparently he'd had a bomb with him, but you know, ninjas are like, really smart and stuff, so they wouldn't get killed over something like that. The ninjas turned their attention to Trader Moe, who now had a glinting sword in his hands.  
  
"Yeah, you want this? Well, tough. I already lost it once to some dippy dame in an archeology suit. I stole it first, fair and square!"  
  
"Oh," said one of the ninjas, pulling off her mask. "You mean me?"  
  
"YOU!"  
  
"I'm also a ninja," said Katie Dodd. "What, I'm not supposed to do anything else with my time but study? I'm supposed to just depend on grants ALL the time? Besides, it's a really good workout and it passes the time."  
  
"I don't believe this!"  
  
"The sword?"  
  
"You want it? Here!" he said, unsheathing it and throwing it in her direction. She caught the handle and swung it around a couple of times.  
  
"I wrote my thesis on ancient sword fighting techniques," she said, admiring the blade.  
  
Oscar used this time to escape downstairs. There were loud crashing sounds and several ninjas stole away in the night with Trader Moe tied firmly to a pole with rope, gagged, squirming, and terrified.  
  
What ELSE could happen?  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
After checking out an empty Higher for Hire, the thugs and pirates scoured the surrounding areas. Maddog and Dumptruck halted suddenly.  
  
"Did you hear something?" asked Maddog.  
  
"Der, like what?"  
  
"Mommeee! Help! I'm sorry! I didn't want to steal it! I was forced toooo!"  
  
The pirates shrugged. That was odd. They continued.  
  
Maddog was walking along the waterfront. It was dark. Gurgling noises could be heard.  
  
"Fellas? Ben? Dumptruck? Ripper???"  
  
A hideous squawking sound erupted and a black and hideous black squid demon shot out of the water, writhing and screaming!  
  
Suddenly, the Thing-Under-the-Waves (monster from Lord of the Rings. It looked like Cthulu. Remember now? Alrighty then...) It spat and clacked its claws and grabbed Maddog and lifted him into the air.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Mommy!"  
  
Suddenly the other thugs were out on the dock, looking upwards in horror.  
  
"Jumpin' jellyfish!" exclaimed Dumptruck.  
  
"Uuuuugh! That thing is gonna kill him!" shouted Ripper.  
  
"Awwwww, isn't it cute, mates?" said Ben.  
  
The thing screamed more and shook Maddog back and forth. Dumptruck rushed forward to save his friend, trying to push back the beast with his cutlass. But the Thing wasn't really all that threatened and grabbed Dumptruck with a tentacle. Looking at the two pirates with it's ten or so eyes, it flung Dumptruck in its mouth for consumption. "Arg! No! I don't want to be eaten!" Ripper grabbed Ben's fire thrower and started it up.  
  
"It's sushi time," he uttered.  
  
"No!" said Ben. "You said *I* could!"  
  
Ripper rushed forward and let the fire thrower loose upon the tentacle holding Maddog. Dumptruck bits passed back and forth between its jaws. The Thing spit out Dumptruck's hat and the rest of him rolled around in its jaws. Like ground beef or processed salami being pressed out of a machine! Okay, that was really gross for a description. What do you expect? A character just got eaten, for pity's sake.  
  
The Thing eventually let go of Maddog as its arm fell off, and went back under the waves.  
  
"Bye, Chthulu! I'll miss you!" waved Ben.  
  
The remaining existing band of thugs panted and escaped down a nearby alleyway.  
  
Part III Odyssey Into Oblivion  
  
Dawn rose. After a night of looking for Oscar unsuccessfully, Rebecca had given up and sworn Baloo and Kit to secrecy about seeing Oscar for fear of being sued by a wealthy family.  
  
In another part of town, Oscar had gotten in a few winks. He had found a nice small park to vegetate on. Waking up on his park bench, he noticed a couple of strangers were looking at him.  
  
"What do you want?" said Oscar. "Pwease don't hurt me..."  
  
The strangers were pale and bluish and didn't say anything. They were all in rags. As Oscar began to look around, hundreds of people walked the streets in much the same manner. One of them began to spout blood from his mouth. Oscar screamed and took off.  
  
"What's the matter, little one? Don't you LIKE surprises?" a familiar voice said. "Noticing life isn't quite the SAME?"  
  
Oscar approached a police officer who turned around, only to reveal Paddywhack. "I need a victim to feed my cravings for FEAR! And you will be afraid, my little panic button. Now that you can SEE THE DEAD! Ah ha ha! A ha ha!" Paddywhack disappeared in a whiff of smoke. His voice lingered on.  
  
"Oh, and by the way, I also will be messing with your mind now and then. Have fun!"  
  
Oscar felt really hungry. If only he could make his way back home... Vagrant souls wandered the streets. Some approached him.  
  
"I want to tell my husband to change the light bulb. He never changes the light bulb!"  
  
"Hey, little boy, you look like such a nice little boy..." said one teenage girl "Could you kill my family for me? I really didn't like them when I was alive and..."  
  
"ARG! I have a treasure buried to the northwest of this town. Find the map under the big "W" and..."  
  
"Could you tell my kids how much I wish they rot in--?"  
  
"Could you find my will?"  
  
"Could you scratch that dog over there?"  
  
"Could you jump up and down?"  
  
"Can you do this with your tongue? Ahhhllllllwwwww"  
  
Oscar screamed and ran down the street, alternately thinking about how he was hungry and how ghosts were chasing him. He grabbed the bars of a passing trolley car. Quickly giving the man a dime, he stood on the crowded bus watching scores of ghosts whispering all about him, and watching him, filled with longing or resentment.  
  
Oscar made his way, finally to his apartment building. At last, he was home!  
  
MEANwhile, back with our favorite criminal comedy reliefs...  
  
"I can't believe it ate the whole thing!" Maddog said, sitting sullenly on some steps in the back of an alleyway at dawn. The whole thing referring to his former best friend. "Now how am I going to explain to the captain that Dumptruck got eaten by a monster?"  
  
"You could always lie and say he got drunk and joined the Navy," said Ben.  
  
"You know, I think I will..." said Maddog slowly.  
  
"Speaking of the Navy, where's the captain and Howlett? I would think those two sailors would be back by now," said Ripper.  
  
"What are you talking about?" asked Maddog, but the other two were already distracted.  
  
"Blimey!" said Ripper. "Did anyone check the kid's apartment?"  
  
"The captain said he wouldn't go back there on account of the fact that he was going in a different direction..." said Maddog.  
  
"Yeah, well that was then. Wha' about now?"  
  
Comprehension slowly made its way into Maddog's eyes. "Hey, yeah!"  
  
"Come on, mates. We might catch him just in time..."  
  
Zip ahead an hour or two...  
  
Oscar was reveling in his newfound happiness when all of a sudden, who should come over the hill but all of the pirates! They growled. Oscar's jaw dropped and he ran inside the apartment building. The elevator had a "DO NOT USE, OUT OF ORDER" sign on it. Looks like he'd have to climb up the stairs. (All forty seven floors)  
  
Back at Higher for Hire...  
  
Kit hungrily ate his breakfast. Rebecca sat sullenly across from Baloo in the kitchen.  
  
"You know, if I could just have given him back to his mother..."  
  
"Aw, Beckers, give it up already. Oscars one wing short of a nut. There's no tellin' where he's gone off to."  
  
"Besides, Miz Cunningham, it's not like he won't be safe. I just called the police and they said that there was a mixup yesterday, but now they're looking for him. Apparently there was some...misunderstanding yesterday and—"  
  
"Oh, fine fine," replied Rebecca. "Look, I'm sorry but I for one am just a little bit concerned that all of this will reflect badly on us. If Oscar tells his mother he saw us and we just let him run loose throughout the night, she might pull her contract with us. And then she'll tell all her friends to not do business with us. And she's rich, she could pull it off! There's no telling what that scheming woman could plot, using all her power and influence even as we speak!"  
  
In Oscar's mother's room...  
  
Oscar's mother groped around for pain medication. Ah, delicious, delicious pain medication. There was something she was forgetting about, wasn't there? Ah well, she'd have the chef and the housekeepers take care of it. For now, she was just surrounded by pillows with a cool cloth on her head and that was all that mattered.  
  
"Oh precious washcloth, I love you more than anything on earth" she meekly said.  
  
Back at Higher for Hire...  
  
Rebecca paced back and forth. Kit slurped down some orange juice. Baloo looked at the paper.  
  
BIZARRE REPORTS OF MONSTERS SIGHTED: SCIENTISTS SUSPECT CRAZINESS RAMPANT  
  
"Hunh. Hey, Becky, get a load of this," said Baloo.  
  
"Eureka, I've got it!"  
  
"Uh oh," said Baloo. "She has that look in her eye again."  
  
"Baloo, where would Oscar go? I mean, if he wanted to feel safe but not go home to his mother?"  
  
"Well he'd probably...go to the clubhouse!" said Kit.  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
The three headed out. Wildcat was left alone, wondering when he was going to get to use his beloved butterfly net.  
  
Back at the apartment complex...  
  
Oscar scrambled up the stairs, getting really tired.  
  
"We don't want to kill you anymore, little boy! I promise! We just want to kidnap you!" said Ripper.  
  
"Oh, that worked" said Ben.  
  
"Shut your mug!"  
  
"Hey, I know! Use the blow darts!"  
  
"Oh yeah! They're natural and safe for the environment!" said Ben, smiling. He then got out his blowdart gun and tranquilized several walls, and some woman carrying groceries who took a nap on the landing outside her apartment. Finally, Ben shot Oscar full of tranquilizers. Oscar passed out.  
  
"Got im'!"  
  
"It's about time!" whined Maddog.  
  
"Alright, then. Money-land, here we come!" said Ripper.  
  
They carried Oscar out into the street. A piano crashed down from a building and landed in the middle of traffic as they were crossing the street. Everything went haywire. Cars swerved to avoid hitting the cars that were already crashing into one another. A burly Thembrian official stepped out of a flag-decorated embassy limousine.  
  
"It is CARS CRASHING INTO ONE ANOTHER!" screamed the High Marshall. His wife buried her head in a gallon of Haagen Daas. Suddenly, a car full of clowns careened onto the scene. Trying to amuse people into not feeling bad over the fact that their automobiles were horribly trapped, the clowns attempted to do tricks and perform their act. No one was in the mood. People threw whatever they had in their cars at the clowns.  
  
At this point, a motorcyclist happened to cross into the intersection. Swerving to avoid the pickle truck the individual was about to collide with, the cyclist swerved and was headed smack into the thugs carrying Oscar. In all the mayhem, they panicked and in avoiding being mown down like cheap lettuce, Oscar was thrown into the air only to land in the arms of the motorcyclist. Not really wanting to stop, because that could mean certain death as cars were swerving everywhere down the street. (A harpsichord pileup had started someway ahead of him) and knowing that this was not the time to stop the cyclist chucked the unconscious Oscar in the sidecar attached to the bike, then going at the speed of a madman, dodged car after car as vehicles treated the area like a one way street.  
  
"Blimey, that bloke got our rightfully pilfered cashcow!"  
  
"I thought he was a bear..." said Ben.  
  
"Just GO AFTER HIM!"  
  
"Hey, you're not the boss of me, mate." replied Ben. "Now ask nicely. In a communistic society, we should help one another and..."  
  
"Hey, look," said Maddog. Suddenly, they were surrounded by clowns, all of whom were now trying to be happy and mirthful and spread joy. People continued to throw things at them. They ducked. A vicious smile spread over Maddog's face. Rolling up his sleeve, he approached one and drew out his sword, holding it up to the clown's neck. "Gimme all the money you have!" Maddog giddily spouted. It was rare that he felt so powerful and so threatening.  
  
The clown smiled and pressing a button, glimmering knives spread out from its fingers.  
  
"Well, you don't see that every day," said Maddog, his face falling with that "uh-oh" expression. The clown swiped at Maddog. The other clowns (who were evil, because all clowns are) had already taken started similar behavior, implementing sharp weapons. The clowns were dressed up as harlequin costumes, or as jesters, or in other colorful non-circusy type clown outfits. A few were dressed in floppy shoes and oversized novelty clown clothes. It was a mixed bag. One clown drew out a gun that spread arrow-shaped blades out in all directions, that chased the screaming thugs across the intersection. Another gleefully threw grenades around, sending people screaming out of their cars, which blew up a little bit later in blossoms of fire. Suddenly, there was a loud sound overhead and a helicopter landed. Ninjas jumped out. A tied up Trader Moe squirmed inside the helicopter. The ninjas began battling the evil clowns. Mortal Kombat music began playing out of absolutely NOWHERE. All pandemonium broke loose. Hundreds of rabbits and gerbils and lemmings ran everywhere. People screamed. Something blew up in the distance and fire hydrants shot water into the sky. Kung fu battles broke out all over the street between evil clowns and good ninjas. Ninjas and clowns circled one another.  
  
They screamed and flew out at one another in the air, using their own stick weapons to back off with offensives, or directly challenge one another in depth-defying hand-to-foot or hand-to-hand combat. Katie Dodd managed to chop off a red rubber nose.  
  
An axe flew into the helicopter right above Trader Moe. He sawed off the ropes binding his hands, and soon did the same for the rest of his short body. Taking off, he went out to seek...something.  
  
Meanwhile, back with the Higher for Hire crew...  
  
"Baloo, Miz Cunningham, what IS all that?" said Kit pointing down the direction of the street. Although they were very far away, too far to see the combatants, the three of them could definitely make out the pileup of cars and huge lava-colored explosions popping up like fungus from down the street.  
  
"What's going on?!" asked an aghast Becky.  
  
"It looks like a warzone," said Kit. "With...clowns?"  
  
"Becky, watch out!" said Baloo grabbing Becky back from being hit by a speeding motorcyclist.  
  
"Apocalypse driver!" screamed Baloo, shaking his fist.  
  
"We need to get to the clubhouse!" said Becky.  
  
"We need to find out what the heck is going on!" said Kit.  
  
Following that motorcyclist...  
  
After speeding through mayhem and general disorder, the motorcyclist finally came to a halt. Taking off their helmet, and turning around to take note of who it was that had hurtled their way, the driver took drastic action, and took a syringe from a compartment on their vehicle. Injecting Oscar with a serum meant to nullify the effects of tranquilizer fluid, and propping him up on the steps of the nearest police station, the wily driver put her helmet back on.  
  
"Piwates...no..." said a nearly conscious Oscar.  
  
"Pirates? Did you say pirates?" said the motorcyclist turning around suddenly "Hey, wake up kid, you gotta give Aunt Louisey more info now!"  
  
Oscar saw blurriness...like he was looking from the bottom of a pond upwards at the sky. When he began to focus, a female orangutan was looking down at him.  
  
"Well hey there, cutey pie! Did I hear you mention something about there bein' pirates nearby? In the vicinity? Like real tall and with accents?"  
  
"Um, I guess so..."  
  
"And was one of them, say, brown and fox-like?"  
  
"Don Karnage! He twied to—"  
  
"Hallelujah, Aunt Louise is BACK in business! Hey, thanks for the tip, kid. You don't happen to know where I can catch these coots, by any chance, do you??" She fluttered her eyelids daintily.  
  
"Well...I might if you help me..."  
  
"Sure thing, sweetness. What can I do for you?"  
  
"Well. It's weawy kind of compwicated..." Oscar explained his long, sad, unbelievable story. "And there's something else!" Aunt Louise came closer so he could whisper into her ear.  
  
"I see dead peopwle"  
  
Aunt Louise got an "I don't believe this" look in her face. "Now that I was not expectin'" she said.  
  
"It's twue!" said Oscar. "The demon duck gave me the powah."  
  
"Now see, I might not believe any of you if there wasn't a circus war going on in downtown Cape Suzette, you cute thing you. But I do believe you. Especially because of all the weird stuff *I've* been noticing. I was flying in my hot air balloon earlier and I saw a number of explosions last night. And a spaceship, for that matter. Don't know if it was the one you saw."  
  
"Wobot dog?"  
  
"Uh huh. I guess it was. Well, then, I guess there's only one thing to do!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Find Karnage and squeeze him until I get my little sugarbandit to promise me a trip in my balloon for two! C'mon, slick. Let's ride!"  
  
And with that, she got Oscar on her bike, and they rode away.  
  
And now that I have your attention, I give you the next part of my fic. If you haven't read the rest of it, just scroll back and you'll find the previous three parts. Enjoy my utter tastelessness.  
  
Oscar Dies Part IV: The Voyage Not Home  
  
Recap of Previous Events:  
  
I got the idea of killing Oscar in a fic, which perked me right up from the cowboy funk I was all in. First Oscar came across a bunch of British thugs, got chased, the thugs met up with Karnage, they formed a pact to chase Oscar for the purposes of ransom money, and Oscar wound up lost in Mardi Gras, seeing nekkid people everywhere, and getting all lost in the tunnels underneath Cape Suzette. He then met vampires, the Phantom of the Opera, a bunch of monsters, Zim, some pirates got eaten and I inserted Ben in because he's British and I thought it would be funny. Then some other stuff happened that I'm too lazy to recap. And now on with the rest! Oh, and Oscar sees dead people now.  
  
Aunt Louise came to a full stop outside of a fairly unpopulated part of the city. Tumbleweeds went lazily by. Oscar wondered where they were coming from but having been on a motorcycle for the first time, he was really woozy and so got off and rubbed his bum trying to get the feeling back into it.  
  
"Now all we have to do dumplin' is find those pirates!"  
  
"But they tried to capture me!" said Oscar.  
  
"Now, don't bog me down with details," she replied. "*Deep* down inside that crook is a Cassanova! He'll forget all about you once he finds out that his flying jo-oy de vi-ver is just a stone's throw away!"  
  
Oscar didn't doubt this, and looked thoughtfully over the horizon. What else was going on? Was anyone else looking for him? When would this nightmare end? The sun was hours away from setting into the sea through the cliffs when all of a sudden there was a blast of light. A giant green spaceship full of bulging circular lines and exaggerated ovular designs on the windows and propulsion tanks, languidly slid through the hazy air and began to scan the city with a probe-beam.  
  
"It's...I don't believe it!" exclaimed Aunt Louise. "It's an up close and personal encounter...of the extranormal kind! But you know, I have my own up close and personal encounter to attend to. So aura voray, mi amigos from beyond! C'mon, Slim, we've got pirates to challenge, (their hearts that is) Onward and upward! Man the battens! Swap down the hatches!"  
  
Oscar was too taken by surprise to notice that she had swept him up in her hot air balloon and before he knew it they were sailing over the open sky  
  
Meanwhile, back at Higher for Hire  
  
Kit was reading comics by the kitchen window when Molly came running into the room.  
  
"Kit kit KIT KIT!!!" she yelled urgently.  
  
"What?" Kit complained. "What IS it? I'm tired. Mardi Gras takes a lot out of you and..."  
  
"Kit, I was playing and then there was a loud boom! And then there was a spaceship and it went all around the air and went fooom! And then there was a robot and-"  
  
"Molly, that's just a *radio* show," Kit explained, in a burdened tone. "It's just make believe. There are no such things as aliens going around the city. Just relax. It's not real, it's just some stuff they make up to entertain people."  
  
Just then, a giant green spaceship hovered outside the bay for a few moments, scanning the Sea Duck and taking off leaving no evidence of its existence. Kit blinked momentarily.  
  
"BALOOOOO!" he screamed, running upstairs. "Baloo, there was a spaceship outside! I saw it! It was huge! And there were these huge rockets on it!"  
  
"Suuuure ya did, Britches," said Baloo patronizingly. "Sorry, kid, but you have to get up pretty early in the morning" to get an April Fools Day gag on yer ol' pal. I'm a pro, Jack."  
  
"Baloo, you don't understand!" exclaimed Kit, his voice cracking. "It was there! There's something seriously weird going on!"  
  
"Oh sure. If there was really a spaceship, how come people aren't panicking in the streets?"  
  
Just then, hundreds of people could be heard going down the street, panicking. The H4H crew all came outside to watch the crowds running to and fro. White-hot blue laser fire dropped down from the heavens and landed catastrophically in the downtown areas, blasting several harmless trees.  
  
"*Now* whose got too big of an imagination?" asked Molly.  
  
"I believe you, I believe you!" shouted Kit.  
  
"I don't believe it," said Baloo, bewildered. "What could be up there? Could it really be aliens?"  
  
"It couldn't be!" said Becky, thoroughly aghast. "It just wouldn't make any sense."  
  
Meanwhile, on that spaceship...  
  
"Give up the decoding device, Zim!"  
  
"Foolish HUMAN! GIR, detain him!"  
  
GIR obediently saluted and sped up to face Dib, glaring at him with intense red eyes which then blurred to a non-confrontational blue. "You smell like VANILLA and rye!"  
  
"I...did have lunch just an hour ago. It's probably the milkshake. Wait a minute!" Dib said. And with that, Dib pulled out the remains of his lunch, stowed in his backpack. "You've been tampering with other universes, Zim! It's got to end...eat hot liquidy meat!" Dib threw his unwrapped roast beef sandwich wrapper at Zim, but it flitted to the floor and remained dormant. Zim laughed.  
  
"Ha! HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA!" He then walked ahead a few paces and stepped on the wrapper, which just happened to have meat remnants stuck onto it. They burned his bare feet and smoke rose from them. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! It burns!" He dropped his doohicky gizmo.  
  
Dib handed the remnants of his milkshake to GIR and whispered in the robot's ear. GIR danced around singing some incoherent song, then was heard to say "I like you, here, have a milkshake!" to Zim as he was still screaming. Zim poured it on his foot and his foot immediately was covered in small bumps that turned bright pink.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
This went on. Dib backed away with the parallel universe neo-kooky decoding device (PUNK for short) and fired at the rear of the spaceship, jumping into its disarmingly psychedelic color schemes. Zim realized the spaceship was headed straight for a building. GIR screamed delightedly and said "I like vanilla. EEEEEEEEEE!" They crash landed through Khan's office window and landed onto the floor in an abrupt fall.  
  
"This is most unusual," said Khan. Zim got out, looking drunk and out of it, his tongue hanging out. "Huh? Who? What? Who are YOU?" he said in a demanding tone, pointing at Khan.  
  
"I could ask the same of you. I take it you are of alien persuasion, or possibly of a different reality altogether."  
  
"Whatever, can't talk, too busy taking over your PATHETIC LITTLE PLANET! GIR!"  
  
"Cheese! Cheese is goooood!" exclaimed GIR, looking at Khan's sandwich.  
  
"*Now*, GIR. We don't have time to dawdle. I've set my tracking device on Dib already, so we don't have long before he comes back to these co- ordinates. Let's moooooove," he said, shaking his fist at the sky.  
  
"O-kay!" said GIR, complying. He used his rocket powered thrusters to fly Zim out the window. Khan was left alone.  
  
"Mmm. Yes," he said, emotionlessly. Suddenly a purple haired young girl came out, occupied with a piece of metal in her hands. She looked momentarily up at Khan, squinted, and then continued playing her game, walking across the carpet. One of Khan's plants made a passing snatch at her. She glared at it murderously. "Don't even THINK of it. My dad invented weed-b-gone." Gaz said. The plant inched away from her as she continued pressing buttons.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"Baloo?" asked Molly. "I thought you were gonna look for Oscar."  
  
"Oh were were, pumpkin," said Baloo. "But things got kinda complicated. The treehouse is on the other side of the city and we couldn't get through because of the Mardi Gras celebration. Then me and Kit got kinda distracted."  
  
"Baloo, I'm not telling you again, we need to find Oscar, and now!" Becky commanded.  
  
"But Becky, what about the spaceship?!"  
  
"But Becky, what about the space ship? What about pirates? she mimicked. But Becky, what about flame wielding natives? But Becky, what about ghosts, pickpockets, aliens, monsters, dust mites? Just *do* it, Baloo! I don't pay you to...to...well, okay, I don't pay you to do this. But I pay you to fly and you're going to fly us across to the treehouse tomorrow."  
  
"Fine, fine," Baloo said, grumbling a lot. "Lousy stinkin Oscar getting' lost..."  
  
"It isn't his fault, Baloo. He's just crazy. And it's not like he's the only one...if Karnage really is in the city," said Kit.  
  
Back with those very same thugs...  
  
"But Cap'n, I don't understand..." whined Maddog.  
  
"Just do as you are told! Bring us candles and soap and...maybe some of those nice little mints with the pretty wrapping on them."  
  
"I can think of some pretty wrapping I'd like to get rid of," said the British blond heartthrob sitting almost on top of Karnage, who was laying back on the bed in his normal attire.  
  
"Ooh. Ooh hoo hoo! It is like you are being reading my mind," Karnage said happily. "And now be getting out of here, all of you, shoo!" said Karnage, waving away his men from the window of the shack hideout of the thugs.  
  
"Let Howlett show you how pirates REALLY dig for buried treasure!" said Karnage's oh so very special friend. The two were left alone, in the night"  
  
"Be looking out for the Spanish Armada!!!"  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Oscar was looking down at the city, at night, and Aunt Louise was making preparations to land. Down below was...a graveyard?  
  
"Now don't be a gloomy gus, slick," she said to Oscar. "If there's anyone who knows what'd goin down, it'd be all those dead people with nothing better to do than watch the show that is my debonair corsair and his QUIVering sword!" The balloon landed. Muffy and Buffy Vandersnoot could be seen dealing with undead half demons in the background.  
  
"Get it, get it!"  
  
"Why do I have do stop these horrible vampires?" complained Buffy in his snooty accent.  
  
"Just shut up and kill it so I can go and steal some quality jeweled swords down across the way, would you, dear?"  
  
Buffy complied.  
  
Oscar looked around. Several ghouls were approaching them.  
  
"Buy my slacks...they're 50% off..." intoned one.  
  
"My dentures...find my dentures..." said another.  
  
"The hideous beings...the government...it's watching me...they have things inside me...cameras...cameras inside my head, man!" said yet another. Oscar told Louise what they were saying.  
  
"Now all you ghoulies just stop yakkin and listen! I'm on the track of an in-cred-ibly powerfully built stallion of a capitan, comprende, ne Now if you all could give us some directions and lead us there, I would be most. Grateful."  
  
"The pirate...der, which one?" said the ghost of a great big bulldog.  
  
"He had a blue coat and he"s half fox," explained Oscar. "And his name is Karnage."  
  
"Der, ya, dat would be duh captain. But he's on the oder side of town wit Maddog. Der, dey can't see me anymore." Maddog gave off the name of a few cross streets.  
  
Suddenly, a portal from another dimension opened up and Maddog looked at his number. "Next! Judy your case worker cannot wait forever," said a blue skinned woman with a French lilt. "And no bothering the Dietzes, they have had enough problems today." Dumptruck disappeared, looking miserably at the abstract designs of the office complex of the Recently Deceased.  
  
Oscar relayed his information to Louise, and the two were off again in their pursuit. Just as they were leaving a horde of angry lemmings burst forth from the sewers and dove in wave after wave at the balloon, tearing it to shreds and surrounding Oscar, biting him, and sending him screaming down the street. The lemmings carried him away in a huge, monstrous wave of living furry rodentia.  
  
Back at Oscar's moms...  
  
"Oh dear, doctor. I can't believe I've been sleeping for days. Where is my darling Oscar?"  
  
"We still don't know, Mrs. Vandersnoot, but the police are still on the lookout. In the meantime, you should get plenty of peace and quiet and have no more shocks to the system..." He left the room. Zim, riding on top of GIR, floated through the ritzy decorated room, and floated up to Oscar's mom.  
  
"You! Ursine being! Can you identify this image of your larval infestation?"  
  
"Awww, he's so cute, look at his ears," said GIR, looking at the photo Mrs. Vandersnoot was now holding.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAH! Painkillers! Must have painkillers! Precious precious DRUGS!!!" she said, gargling several down and falling flat on her face unconscious.  
  
"I___ll take that as a *no*," said Zim, and escorted on GIR flew back out the window.  
  
"Somehow the elemental traces in that being are disturbing the timespace continuum. If we can download the weird...brain...thing...and put the patterns into my dimensional transponder, it should work properly as a buffer and correct the rifts that have been sporadically occurring on our ship. When Dib returns at the scheduled time tomorrow, I'll trap him in this DISGUSTING universe and trap him here forever! Now BACK to the shiiiiip!"  
  
Joe's note: This was going to be the last part, but I'm just too tired. So Oscar's death will have to be postponed yet again.  
  
(in Majel Barrett Roddenberry's ST computer voice) And now, the Conclusion:  
  
Oscar Dies: Part V "First Innocent Blood, or: Dance Like You Wanna Win!"  
  
Oscar awoke in the middle of the city, once more. Where was Aunt Louise?  
  
"How ya doin', mi amigo?" she asked. "Now we're almost to the pirate hideout, so you just sit tight!"  
  
"But they twied to kidnap me!"  
  
"We ALL have our bad days, slim. You just let me talk to them. Ooooh, I can't wait to see my dashing swordsman. If it's anything that man knows, it's how to handle a sword, and a woman!"  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Karnage and Howlett, his new pirate life partner, were arranging to buy a villa in San Flamingo and set up a curio/postcard shop there.  
  
"I am not liking the designs, they are not rococo enough," said Karnage, who was now not even trying to hide anything from his men. In fact, his closets on the Iron Vulture had been left wide open (the more he could see his wardrobe, though. Hooray!)  
  
Suddenly there was a knock on the door of the hideout. Karnage got up, not really wanting to.  
  
"Hurry back, dear," said Howlett, putting together beads of necklaces for Mardi Gras.  
  
Karnage opened the door. There, standing there was---no! NOOOOO!  
  
"Karnagey!" shouted Aunt Louise, shoving her way in and crushing the captain. Karnage struggled.  
  
"Be unmanhandling me, this instant!" he shrieked.  
  
"You're still a SHY thing, aren't ya? Well Aunt Louise is here! Let the REAL festivities begin!" she announced. Howlett, with a frown on his face, got up and poutingly came over, with hands on his hips.  
  
"And WHO would this be?"  
  
"Who?!" she exclaimed. "Askin' me who I am, well you know I am me, and me is the ultimate love of Don Juan Karnage, is all!"  
  
"Um, darling, I don't suppose I could discuss this with you in the tearoom?" (Author's note: that's a joke because in San Francisco, "tearoom" has an ENTIRELY different meaning. And he's British. See the pun? And now back to our scheduled fic.)  
  
"I would. Unh! Be more than willing...unh!" said Karnage, struggling between hugs. "Madame, this must end at once!" he said, shoving her off. "I am not the man you think I am!"  
  
"Well you most certainly are! You're a brave, handsome, machismo drippin' stud of a swordcarryin' pirate hunk tailor made for Aunt Louise, that's what!"  
  
"Well, you are being right with most of that, but I am with another at this moment in my life."  
  
Aunt Louise felt tears come to her eyes. "Oh. I...I see. I understand! I don't suppose you could have waited for me forever...AHHHHHHHHH!" she cried, and blew her nose on his new spotless white naval-looking suit, with matching beret.  
  
"Madame, the new love of my life is in this room!"  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Here!" said Howlett, smiling his handsome blond British smile. Aunt Louise blinked.  
  
"You mean...all this time...I've just been a..a...FAG HAG? WAAAAH!"  
  
"No no...no no...here, be sitting down!" Aunt Louise did so, and Oscar walked through the door.  
  
"Well, I'll be a monkey's aunt," she said. Howlett and Karnage smiled and abandoned Louise. Karnage held Oscar up.  
  
"Finally! Our little walking ransom! Soon we will have our own market street at our disposal!"  
  
"We might even be able to buy a sailboat. That would be so lovely," said his life partner.  
  
"Guys! You can't do that!" They both regarded her. "Not without cutting ME in on some of that action."  
  
They all looked at Oscar.  
  
"Will if it'll bother my mom...okay!"  
  
So Oscar agreed to play ransomed victim. He called his mom and briefly yelled a lot as if he was being tortured. Meanwhile, Karnage and Howlett made a lovely quiche torte, as well as some sushi with really yummy sauce, and a couple of Mai Tai's for them and Louise. They waited patiently.  
  
Meanwhile...at Mardi Gras...  
  
"YEAH! WHOO!"  
  
"Kit, I'm doing an official intervention," said Rebecca.  
  
"But Miz Cunningham!"  
  
"No buts, mister! And I mean that literally!"  
  
"But...but...but..."  
  
"What did I just say?"  
  
"Sorry," said Kit sadly.  
  
"Now Kit, I know the parade has been exciting, especially after all the attention you've gotten. But from now on, I want to see you going back to the boy we all know and love, and can control easily."  
  
"But you don't know what it's like! The fame...the glory...the fortune...I just got twenty bucks from that chick with the tongue ring!"  
  
"Kit, if I don't see you turn back into the shy, slightly introverted do- gooder we've all come to know and love, so help me I'm going to do--- pirates!"  
  
"You're going to WHAT?" asked Kit.  
  
"No," said Becky shaking her head. "I didn't mean I'm going to DO pirates...I mean there are pirates! Look!" she pointed.  
  
Sure enough, there were. Suddenly a piano dropped on them out of nowhere. Maddog, and Ripper died. So there. I won't have to write any more scenes with them.  
  
"Huh," said Kit. "Wasn't expecting that."  
  
Mardi Gras continued, and Kit threw muffins at people and got bunches of requests he dutifully ignored, and Rebecca got thrown something she didn't recognize at first, because it had been a while.  
  
"Oh, really!" she said disgusted.  
  
"I guess it's better to be safe than sorry," said Kit.  
  
"Go back to being innocent over there! Now!"  
  
"Yes, ma'am," Kit said sighing.  
  
Suddenly, a spaceship appeared. It was Dib, and he proceeded to go up into the night air! He flew on towards the harbor, being chased by Zim.  
  
"I'm never going to make it! NO!" he said, the Iron Vulture looming in front of him, even though it had been destroyed plenty of times before. Dib's spaceship crashed into it and disappeared, and Zim went after him, leaving GIR behind for the festivities.  
  
GIR danced a lot and everyone loved him. Aw.  
  
Baloo wandered through the crowd and realized something odd. A bunch of pirates, Aunt Louise, and Oscar were tiptoeing to the side of the parade crowd, trying not to be seen. He ran up to Becky.  
  
"Becky, Oscar's here! He's got Aunt Louise with him. And Karnage!"  
  
"Karnage! Is this my chance to kill him in a fight to the death?!" said Kit, brandishing a shiny sword.  
  
"This is NOT that kind of fic, mister. You just sit right over there and give people muffins."  
  
Kit huffed and moodily sat down and tossed muffins at people haphazardly, now aiming at their faces. He pegged Ernie square in the face. Then his teacher. Then a Khan pilot. Kit knew now what his destiny for tonight was. He smiled, practically from ear to ear, and ran off with his muffin baskets while Baloo and Becky talked.  
  
"But Baloo, what about my promotion?"  
  
"We get Oscar, and the Vandersnoots will make up for it, c'mon!"  
  
"Hey, does this mean you believe in my plan for once?" asked Becky happily.  
  
"It's my plan!"  
  
"No it isn't, it's my plan!"  
  
"Okay, okay, it's both our plans. Now skedattle!" They ran after Oscar in the night.  
  
Kit skipped happily all throughout Mardi Gras. A muffin of his landed squarely and splatted into the face of Douggie, the cat who tried to take over Louie's. Another landed into an old woman's face...it was Khan's secretary, Miss Snarly! Kit's muffin terror became merciless. On and on he went...his squishy day old muffins wreaking havoc.  
  
Meanwhile, Karnage and Howlett and Louise and Oscar ran up the stairs in his building, until they stopped. It was a ninja! The ninja started fighting them until a clown dropped from above that impaled a long razor into the ninja's sword. Karnage shoved them both over the stairs and Karnage and his company began running up until a piano smashed through the area right before them, leaving an enormous gap.  
  
"Curses!" said Karnage, and flung himself up, and nearly fell, and urged Oscar to run. Oscar did so, but then, mid air, realized he wasn't going to make it and fell into a screaming fit that lasted a while.  
  
"No! My ransom money!" said Karnage.  
  
"My word!" said Howlett.  
  
"My stomach!" said Aunt Louise, who fainted on the stairs.  
  
"Oh well..." said Karnage. "Who wants to leave and see if we can be pillaging some sushi?"  
  
Oscar fell, screamed, and then was seconds away from splattering into Oscar Chow, when all of a sudden, time stopped. Oscar looked over at the same unusual duck he'd seen earlier. Darkwing pushed a button on his newly vamped up VCR remote control and tucked it into a side pocket.  
  
"Yep yep yep...I guess you're wondering why I'm here. I'd love to explain, but...yeah, I gotta get back to my universe," he chuckled. "You know how it is. Toodles!" and he disappeared in a flash of light. Oscar unpaused and fell, a little bit bruised but otherwise okay.  
  
Becky and Baloo ran into the room.  
  
"Oscar!" exclaimed Becky.  
  
"There you are," said Baloo.  
  
Just then, Karnage walked into the lobby with his life partner.  
  
"Be unhanding my little cash cow! Bear. Whatever!" said Karnage.  
  
"Look, Karny, you might as well give up. You're outnumbered," said Baloo. "Well, waitaminute," he said, counting on his fingers. "You're sort of outnumbered. So give up!"  
  
"Never!"  
  
Just then Aunt Louise started to awaken. She got up, and thinking she was in her bedroom, went over to brush her teeth, mumbling all the time about plaque and sugarbandit buildup (just when you think this fic couldn't sink any lower...()  
  
She fell right on top of Karnage, flattening him and knocking him out.  
  
Becky smiled. "I guess they really were made for each other after all," and all four of them laughed over that for way too long.  
  
"Hey, wait, wha' about me?" asked Howlett. Suddenly, a dozen pies hit him and sent him hurtling into a wall. Standing in the entryway, Kit held a giant uzi looking pie gun that he blew on as it smoked.  
  
"Yeah, whattya think of that? My pie gun and I are goin' places, baby! Whoo!"  
  
"Kit, you shouldn't throw pies at people, much less shoot them. But...for now I suppose it's a good thing. Let's just Oscar home and END this ordeal!"  
  
"I'm with you, Becky."  
  
"Yeah, Miz Cunningham. You don't even know what I went through in order to get this gun!"  
  
Kit's story, via flashback (makes Wayne and Garth "doodledoo" noises)  
  
Kit traipsed about the parade route, having run out of muffins to hurl at people's faces. Suddenly, who should accidentally run into him but Psycho Ben!  
  
"Ben!"  
  
"Oh, hullo? Fancy havin' a drink at the pub? They're gonna have free ale all night, mate!" He turned, slightly drunk, and walked inside.  
  
"I really should...get going...aw whom I kidding? I'm a bad boy!" said Kit, admiring his reflection in the window, pointing at himself with both hands in a macho like manner and looking sly, clicked his tongue. He walked inside. A bunch of people were dancing. Cody's Place was newly opened and it had the looks of a great party zone.  
  
"Whoo!" screamed someone who was riding the mechanical bull, who then got thrown off and shot out into space, where he landed on a spaceship that popped into reality briefly before going back to Earth. I'm not even going to bother coming up with an origin for the spaceship. Just make something up of your own. It's fun! You can turn it into your own fanfic then! Getting back to mine...  
  
Kit walked inside the bar, and ordered up a drink. He'd never drank before, and wanted to absolutely push the limits of debauchery in this fic.  
  
"Hey man...you 21?"  
  
"Um...YEAH," said Kit rudely.  
  
"Oh. Okay," said the bartender, who turned around. It was Wildcat!  
  
"Wildcat! What are you doing here?"  
  
Wildcat shrugged. "Hey Miz Cunningham said I should follow you and like, make sure you didn't get inta any trouble or anything!"  
  
"And so you're bartending?"  
  
"I am?"  
  
"Never mind...it's been a long couple of days. I feel like reality just isn't the same anymore."  
  
"So you're going to try alcohol?" asked Cody from behind him. "Sorry kid, not in my bar. Out. Scoot!"  
  
"Whatever, I didn't really come in here for this," said Kit. "Do you have any idea where I could find a...a..." Kit then whispered something into Cody's ear, knowing she was a weapons expert. Cody smiled and pointed out the clown in the corner, who was in need of cash for new rainbow suspenders.  
  
Ben, meanwhile, was happily drinking and planning the destruction of an animal penitentiary in Thembria.  
  
Back to the present...  
  
"And that is how I got my new pie gun."  
  
"Kit, you are so grounded, the light from grounded will take a hundred billion years to reach where you are," said Rebecca humorlessly looking down on him with crossed arms.  
  
"Hey, I just saved your lives from a pirate!"  
  
"Well so did Aunt Louise, but she didn't go cavorting around throwing muffins at people and trying to get wasted," Becky returned.  
  
"You don't know that," said Kit sarcastically, with attitude.  
  
Becky sighed. They had reached Oscar's apartment. How, with the broken stairs, is not important. They knocked on the door and Oscar's grateful mother ushered him inside, promising to never let her shmoopie go outside ever again.  
  
"What if I put you in a bubble?" she thought out loud.  
  
"Lady, you gotta be kidding..." said Baloo. Oscar wandered off to the balcony.  
  
"I don't suppose you could...oh, have time to work out an arrangement with Higher for Hire, could you?" asked Becky. "I just have oodles of ideas about how we could run your shipments and..." she looked around. "Where's Oscar?"  
  
"He's on the balcony!" shouted Kit. "He's going to jump!" They all ran outside as Oscar was perched on the ledge.  
  
"Don't do it!" someone yelled from another apartment. "You have everything to live for! Your apartment is fabulous!"  
  
"Leave me AWONE!" yelled Oscar, standing up for himself. "All week wong I've been tortured by clowns and piwates and ghosts...just go away!"  
  
Kit sighed sadly. "He's finally flipped," he determined.  
  
Oscar's mother fainted.  
  
"Nothing is ever gonna happen to me again...evah!" said Oscar. Just then, a bee stung him and he fell over unconscious. They rushed him inside.  
  
Oscar's mother woke up and called various doctors, including her shrink. They stormed in and put a shocking thingy over Oscar.  
  
"Clear!" one yelled.  
  
Oscar woke up in a white fuzziness. Fifteen years had passed. All of a sudden he was in an airport. This was...surreal. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw himself and recognized that time had elapsed. Suddenly, there was someone talking to him. But...no one else was there.  
  
"So you're finally back."  
  
"Who are you?" Oscar asked, in a completely different voice, one that sounded like the lead actor from the TV show "Wings".  
  
"My name's Tyler. Tyler Durden. I'm you, four eyes," and suddenly a very good looking young bear was sitting there on the airport couch, lazily responding to him.  
  
"Huh? What do you mean? What are you talking about?"  
  
Just then, buildings across Cape Suzette exploded, and fell down as really cool rock music began. Oscar turned his attention back to Tyler.  
  
"You died a long time ago, my friend. Your mom drove you crazy always trying to keep that leash on you. So you developed me in high school. Before ya know it bah dah boom. Everyone left you alone. You became everything you always wanted to be. You became leader of the pack. You introduced Project Mayhem. You became leader of the pirates. You took Louie's Place and made it a fly-thru spa and casino. You torched the clubhouse and made your OWN clubhouse. You made up stories about your childhood that never happened. Crazy stuff."  
  
"No," said the adult insane Oscar. "This can't be!"  
  
"It is! I am more you than you'll ever be! Kit likes me this way. You are not a special and unique aileron, pal. You ditched the glasses and the wimp routine. You got a leather jacket. Those make people cool. You go to fights and laugh when people get hurt. All because of your messed up personality."  
  
"What...what do you want?"  
  
"Yer looking at it. All those buildings blowing up? They're empty. It's payback time. Those are all the buildings your mom and dad own."  
  
"Really? Oh. Neat!"  
  
"Huh."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I thought you'd be more...upset."  
  
"Actuawwy, er...actually, I mean, it's...kind of intense."  
  
"Oh. Uh...you're welcome. I guess," said Tyler Durden.  
  
"So...what now?"  
  
"I dunno, I didn't think about things this far ahead."  
  
"Um..." The two waited around, trying to kill time.  
  
"Do you want to go to the top of Khan tower and hack loogies?" asked Oscar.  
  
"Yeah, okay," said the other discontented, jaded bear. The two started to walk off.  
  
"WAIT A MINUTE!!!!" said Kit, popping up out of nowhere. The adult Oscar and Tyler looked at him with detached interest. Kit took center stage as the other two bears were figures in the background, exchanging glances and occasional conversation.  
  
"That was the WEIRDEST ending for a fic EVER! I mean, WHAT WAS THAT??? Split personality? Aliens? Pie attacks? WHO comes up with this stuff? I mean, it's better than some crapheap where I'm dying or miserable or starving to death or smooching some chick who can barely speak English or getting shot at, but...but...this? WHAT THE FREAKING HECK????"  
  
"Hey, I'm gonna go now. I'll see ya later, Kit," said Oscar, who walked out the terminal. Kit blinked, looked into the camera which expanded his eye as it took up the entire film, and Kit pulled back his face once more and regarded it.  
  
"Hey, so uh...how about hooking me up with a fanfic where Baloo loses his license and has to be MY navigator and HEY--!" he said, unable to finish, as the circle of the camera closed in upon itself, thus ending this fic once and for all.  
  
The End.  
  
Or....is it??? (cue end music for Fight Club) 


End file.
